— Cᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ Iɴᴅᴇx —
a review by the Azure-Winged Magpie (a.k.a.: the Extinction Entity).
Hello hello and chatter chatter! Guess what I just got done playing?!
Thaaat‘s right! It’s Resident Evil time again!
So like I said in my last review of a Resident Evil game, I’m kinda new to the series. (I mean… I saw the films, but those don’t really count). Now being the horror expert ’round these parts… it’s not like I don’t know anything about the games. But just to make this review more fun… let’s just pretend I know nothing about the original RE 3, and jump right into…
RESIDENT EVIL 3
SPOILER LEVELS at MINIMAL
—🧟——|– (ಠ __ ಠ✿) die again! Zombie scum!
Right! So… Resident Evil 3 Remake gives you one hell (lol!) of a first impression. And it’s not all good. I don’t really like the live-action clips they throw in at the start of the game. There’s one really funny one right up front which just says CAPCOM on top of video like some 80s TV show, which is alright. They’re not made bad or anything, but they happen and then BAM! you’re straight in a videogame corridor. And it really took me out of the moment by like… a lot. The two things just don’t go together. I’d have just made the whole thing in the game ’cause this game looks good.
But the cool thing about the whole opening scene is that we get to see Nemesis waking up. And that’s just the start of the first impression. Right after the “cinematic” intro, we get chucked into the first of two FPS experiences with our main character Jill Valentine (voice: Nicole Tompkins) waking up. And speaking of this game looking good… how do I say this…? Jill’s… um… fit. Fit like I’d like to ask her out then stare at her all night long fit. And that’s not all she’s got to her. This girl kicks some major butt! She’s tough as nails and even though she gets tossed around like a ragdoll from the start of the game right until the end, she gets right back up and gives those zombie tosspots a right good butt-kickin’! I know that Jill’s one of the most popular characters in gaming, but never really knew much about her up until just now. I can see why so many folks love this woman and why she’s so popular. Love her all you want, just don’t get too close to her unless you want your limbs exploded off you!
Now back to that intro… see? The game kinda hangs around with Jill doing her usual routine and staring into the mirror like anyone who looks like her can get away with. It’s all nice and everyday for a few minutes, even though the game throws us a lot of news about what’s going on in Raccoon City from the background, and then Jill gets a phone call. Innocent enough no?
She doesn’t even get to finish the phone call before BAM! a big, lunky Frankenstein’s monster just punches itself a door into her room. That’s… one way to say hi I guess. And there we go! We’re in the game. We need to get TF away from this big hunk made up of rotting flesh and bin bags!
This thing is Nemesis. Nemesis is a Terminator. Nemesis is kinda the whole plot here. See… Jill’s a supercop. She’s a member of S.T.A.R.S. and Nemesis has it out for the S.T.A.R.S. members. He’s gone through and killed every last one of them until he gets to Jill (yeah there’s this one other bloke, but he’s not really that important), but Jill just.won’t.die. She totally gives him the FINGeR every time they meet. Even though Nemesis can’t really be killed, Jill does him a lot of damage every time they meet.
So I’ve got a few friends who also got Resident Evil 3 Remake when it was released and all of them found Nemesis really hard to deal with. And I don’t get it. The guy jumps around and has a lot of surprises up his bin bags but once you get the hang of what sort of encounter you’re in, he’s not that hard to deal with. He’s just hard to put down. After the first few encounters, he almost never touched me while I went dodging and weaving and laying the smack down on him. You kind of have to wait for the guy to show you how to play against him and just strap yourself in for some long battles (which get longer the more the game goes on). It got to the point where he even became a little annoying in the first parts of the game (then he got more and more fun near the end). And where Jill’s supposed to be terrified of this thing like everyone else is, she’s more “not this again!” and “how do I murder his face this time?” about the whole thing.
Apart from Nemesis, the game’s got your usual zombies and spooky dookies hanging around. They’re alright, but I was really impressed with how hard this game made normal every day zombies. There are some special enemy types hanging around too, and I wish there was a little more of them, but I didn’t get too much time to hang around with these things.
And here’s where I got to mention something about this game which miffed me a little bit…
The game’s got some pervy eyes going on in it. Look… Jill’s hot, but I could’ve done without all those shots focussed right on her butt that didn’t need to be there. In some scenes, it was all fair and good, but in others, it really wasn’t. There’s also an… interesting scene with Jill and the enemy in the picture up above, which would be fine in an Alien sort of way if we’d seen the creatures do what they do to
Jill (correction!:) other people at any other point. Because we didn’t really get to hang around with these critters, we really didn’t get anything like that, and the scene just comes off a bit pervy. The scene with the creature isn’t really that much of a problem, but it really seems a lot more… “hanky panky” than straight up horror.
Jill also comes with some great one liners. I love how quippy she is in this one. Some of the dialogue which gets her to quip might have some people thinking that this is too much “gIRl pOwER” because of how smack you on the nose they are, but I thought they were just fine. I never really thought Resident Evil 3 Remake was going to have good dialogue, since even I know all about the “Master of Unlocking” scene. Nothing’s too bad, but nothing’s really special either.
And talking about the dialogue and everything… this game’s got a serious issue with LANGUAGE. Remember back in the day when I could say words like [BLEEP] and [BLEEP] without getting censored on here? Damn this game made even me blush sometimes. This game’s got a serious potty mouth on it.
But Jill’s not the only character you get to play as in this game! You’ve got Carlos (voice: Jeff Schine) picking up some of the pieces while Jill goes rampaging around the city escaping and dealing with Nemesis. He’s pretty cool, and Magpie damn if he isn’t a good looking man. He’s cool and all and I like they way he and Jill have a little bit of a flirty edge to them whenever they talk (you tell ‘im Tyrell!). He plays a little different from Jill, so watch out for the first time you skip over to his boots!
Carlos is a soldier, so his part of the game plays more like a FPS mow em’ down situation. Later on, he ends up being a bit of an AI buddy to Jill when you’re playing as her. And because of how different they are, sometimes, you’ve got to go back as Jill to where Carlos went before since y’know… she’s the Master of Unlocking and everything.
There are some neat little puzzles in this one that didn’t really bother me so much, and there was some pretty cool action. And I wanted more. Something about this game just didn’t feel “enough” for me. The whole thing is one long chase scene with some other story stuff thrown into it. The whole thing took me a few hours to get through and unlike Death Stranding which had so much GAME packed into it, this one felt really… quick. It’s not like the game wastes a lot of time with setting up random maps with enemies for no reason (that’s a good thing), but there’s just not enough space for the game to give you more to do in it. And that’s not the best thing in the world. This is the sort of game where a little more would’ve been better. But we don’t get that little more.
So yeah… Resident Evil 3 Remake‘s not the best value for money, but it IS a great game. It’s short and sweet and left me wanting more. It’s not really scary since it’s more of an action film we’re playing around in, but what it’s got is really good (apart from the pervy eyes maybe). I had a lot of fun with this one and even though I would’ve liked it if it was a little bit cheaper, I’m gonna go ahead and say that this one’s (kinda) highly recommended from The Corvid Review. Maybe get it when the discounts start or something.
Now if you’ll excuse me… I’m off to play the other two remakes and catch up on the original Resident Evil series! Here’s to giving Nemesis (and that damn Umbrella Corp) the FINGeR!
— Azure-Winged “the Extinction Entity” Magpie up! Up! And Awayyy! *BONK!*
THE AZURE-WINGED MAGPIE: 7.5/10
THE CROW: NA/10
Here’s the official poster:
3 thoughts on “ Review: Resident Evil 3 Remake ; I’m Seeing S.T.A.R.S.! ”
Agreed about the gratuitous butt shots. They were totally unnecessary.
And is it just me, but was Carlos’ hair a bit too much? I get the idea that they want him to look like an unkempt soldier, but that hair looked like someone put a mop on his head! 🤣
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She really needed that sweater thingie she used to have from the older games.
And okayfine! Yeah. It’s a mop. I used to hate hair like that but it kinda grew on me a few years ago for a bit. All he needs is a haircut (and probably some deo) and we’re good to go!
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I played both 2 and 3 and I like both of them, but what I like even more is 7, which was truly scary!!